If Only He Knows
by raindrops on rosesx
Summary: Susannah Simon is a ghost. Paul Slater, a shifter who gets any girl he wants...finds himself falling for Suze. But it was love at first sight when Suze saw a certain Jesse De Silva, Paul's worst enemy. Now, IF only Jesse could see her...R&R please?
1. Chapter 1

This is my first fanfic

This is my first fanfic.. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

I couldn't even sleep yesterday cause I was so excited by my idea. So here it goes… **I hope you like it** praying eyes squeezed shut

Disclaimer: I wish I'm Meg Cabot.

But, :sigh, sadly, I'm not.

Sooo the plot is mine but the characters are mine also, sorry sorry not funny.

_The characters you recognize are Meg's_.

:forcing it out: choke choke.

**Chapter one.**

**Susannah POV**

I have been around for 150 something years. I lost track when I got to 100. I guess being a ghost has its privileges. Walking through walls… the super strength…never getting old…everyday looking like I'm "at the height of my life"… all these "powers".

But it doesn't make me happy.

Nothing makes me happy.

Correction, nothing will _EVER_ make me happy again.

Everyday I wonder aimlessly, trying to avoid seeing people. But occasionally, I would stumble upon them -_and feel the suffering of my heart as it's torn apart, piece by piece… ironic, I know, since technically don't have a beating heart._-

when I see them laughing, being able to talk with others… and just LIVE!

"_and most importantly… love_._"_ A voice whispered at the back of my mind, I gripped my hands tightly in to fists, my heart twisted and suffered in never ending pain when I thought of the word _love._

I know I would never be able to love.

_**Not after Stephen.**_

"hahahaha.." I looked up as a stunning blond girl walked towards me, all the while gazing into the eyes of a tall male, laughing as they shared some kind of secret joke.

My whole body shook uncontrollably, my fists begging me to let them take over. One punch, that's all it would take for me to finish the guy. I smiled bitterly as I imagined the pain the girl would feel to see her loved one torn from her. To feel her heart shatter everytime she sees a couple walking by.

_TEMPTING_. I shook my head, taking huge breaths as I tried to calm down.

"NO. Susannah, why would you want to have others suffer the pain you went through? What did they ever DO to YOU?" My mind shouted.

Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out.

Yes, they never did anything to me. I don't even KNOW them! I hung my head in shame, I can't believe I actually wanted to take innocent peoples lives! WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?

I drifted aimlessly as I let my tears fall. I haven't cried since… since… _that_ happened. I had promised myself to be strong. And not to _feel_ any emotions.

I cant cry! I _can't!_

But it was too late now. As if I had opened a floodgate, my tears poured out. I stumbled into an alleyway, and curled up beside the wall. Rocking myself as I hugged my knees. The tears kept coming, and for once I didn't try to stop it. Sniffling loudly, -since no one would be able to hear me anyways- I cried and cried for I don't know how long. When I finally calmed down and exhaustedly looked around. I was surprised to see it was dark already.

I shakily got up –ironic, I know, since I can just float.- and froze when I saw a dark figure leaning against the wall across the dark ally way. He seems to be staring at me. I laughed dryly to myself, ya, like he _could _see me. And was just about to take off when he stepped out of the ally and into the glare of the street lights.

I gasped, not because he stepped into the lights, and definitely not, because, okay partly, because he was so handsome. His dark curls were slightly messed up, he was wearing a white T-shirt, which showed off his tan perfectly, and wow, look at those muscles.

_I wanted to slap myself._ A girl from my time is just not supposed to_**notice**_these kind of things about a guy!

But my thoughts stopped when I looked into his piercing blue eyes. Those eyes stared right back at me.

He stepped towards me and held out his hand,

"Hey, my name is Paul Slater."

Flashing me a smile that made my heart melt…

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Uh-oh, looks like poor suze met her first shifter. Who just happens to be Paul. Well, let's just say she would meet Jesse in the next chapter. Too bad jesse wont be able to se her.

ANYWAYS PLEASE REVIEW.

Comment on whether its good or bad.

Ideas.

Mistakes I made.

Anything!

I really really hope you like the first chapter of my FIRST fan fic!

EEEE! Squeal excitedly

**please god I hope they like my story!**

begging as a trickle of tear rolled down my cheek

Haha anyways, REVIEW!


	2. Chapter 2

Susannah POV

Im sorry I took so long to update…

School started

And I was wallowing in self pity because I only got 3 reviews!

Well, you know, I always thought it was dumb how some people stop writing their fanfics because the didn't get enough reviews.

_**NOW I KNOW WHY. **_

_**It feels like no one even cares about my effort.**_

**So please, review after you read this. **

**PLEEAASEE!!**

**This said, enjoy ;)**

**Desclaimer: I hope I write like Meg Cabot… But sadly, I don't.**

**Susannah POV**

I opened my mouth, but no sound came out, I was still hypnotized by Paul's bright blue eyes. I breathed in, and forced myself to tear my gaze away from him. But I was still watching him out of the corner of my eyes, afraid that if I look somewhere else, he would disappear.

I saw him grin, showing his perfect white teeth. He was still looking at me.

"You.. you….you…m-- me?" I stammered. I could feel myself turn bright red, and wanted to die right there. Haha, get it? Die?

Paul took a step towards me, he was taller than me, but I could still easily kiss him if I stood up on tiptoes. I blushed and smiled slightly, thinking how good he would probably taste. Wait a second… WHERE DID THAT THOUGHT COME FROM? How could I even think that? Ahdhffskfldsjksdjfkd!!

"Yes, I can see you. Why do ghosts say that every time?" Paul mumbled to himself, then flashed me another smile and said, "Your expressions sure change fast. Now, why do you suddenly look as if you're mad at me?"

I blushed, if that's even possible seeing how red my face must already be. I decided to ignore his questions. Even though back when I was alive, mom would probably shoot for being so rude. But if we _were _alive, I wouldn't ever be allowed to be alone with a strange guy.

I suddenly remembered what I asked Paul before. Well, what I tried to ask anyways.

"HOW can you see me? Are you dead too?" I said in which I hoped was a brave voice, like my heart didn't start beating like crazy every time I looked into his piercing blue eyes.

"ha.." he laughed drily, "I certainly hope I'm not dead. No, I am a shifter, there are some, but not many of us on earth. We are born with this uh…curift."

"curift?" I asked? Is this some sort of modern slang I don't know about?

Paul blushed. HE BLUSHED! Why would a guy gifted with such good looks blush around a girl like me? I was flattered! More than flattered, my heart soared! I could feel a grin creeping up my face.

Pshh.. flattered because he blushed? I'm flattered he's even talking to me! After being ignored for 150 years I would talk to ANYONE! Let alone someone so good looking!

**Paul POV**

What the hell?

CURIFT?

I was going to say curse, but I didn't want the girl in front of me get the wrong opinion about me. Like, it's a curse that I can see her. No, being able to see her is definitely a gift. So I ended up changing it to gift in the last second.

I felt a blush slowly rise to my cheeks. It's NOT a good feeling, and definitely NOT a feeling I want to get used to… I mean,

I AM PAUL SLATER! All the girls want me! I have nothing I need to blush about! I don't mean to boast, but, I've got the looks, the money, AND the cool. What is there I need to be embarrassed about?

Exactly!! Nothing!

Well, except making a fool of myself in front of this hot ghost in front of me.

Urg. I don't even know _why_ I care so much about what the ghost girl thinks about me. Cause what the hell, I can have _any _girl I want.

But… seeing her standing there, smiling to herself, it… it..makes me feel so happy… so…_ whole_.

Oh she just has something about her, like a warm glow, and I feel as if I just _have_ to know more about her.

Heck, I feel like I just _have _to make her _mine!_

Woah.. woah.. slow down, Paul. You don't even know her name yet!

As if reading my thoughts she smiled shyly from behind her lush brown curls.

"Hi, I'm Susannah Simons."

**Okay.. i know this is kind of short but I PROMISE the next chapter will be longer. Anyways click the little review button. **

**Easy right? Ya, I swear, it will make my day so much better! **

**Especially since today was kind of a depressing day. **


	3. Chapter 3

Hey thanks to everyone who reviewed

Hey thanks to everyone who reviewed!! I love love love your reviews, and yes, it DID make my day So much better.

I LOVE YOU GUYS!!

Haha I must sound pretty lame freaking out because I got a couple of reviews. But I DID put effort and time into it. Hehe okay im making myself sound stupid.

So before the story starts. Dun dun dun dun.

I WANNA THANK YOU REVIEWS AGAIN.

**cyber kiss**.. muah!

**cyber hug**!! Haha okay now I really do sound stupid.

Oh ya. Im not going to tell you guys if it's a PS or JS story…

Not because im evil, but even I don't know yet. It really depends on my mood sometimes hehe.

Anywho.. keep reading and review to tell me if you like it or not. Or if you support Paul or Jesse.

**Susannah POV**

"Hi, I'm Susannah Simons."

"Hey Suze."

I blinked. What did he call me? "Excuse me?"

"I said, Hey Suze." Paul smirked.

I still didn't catch up on what Paul was calling me. Sooooz? What the heck?

"Sooz?" I echoed.

Paul smirked, his piercing blue eyes locked into mine.

"I just think Suze is a sexy name. More modern than Susannah anyways."

"um… okay." I said. I was a little hurt. I mean I like my name! It's been my name for what? A hundred fifty years? Excuse me for feeling insulted that he doesn't think my name is modern enough. Everyone thought my name was pretty when I was alive!

And what was that part? Sexy? Oh well whatever that means.

I stared into his eyes to tell him what _I_ have to say about being called Sooz. But as soon as I met his gaze, I immediately forgot what I had to say. Instead I gaped stupidly as I tried to tear my eyes away from his.

When I finally succeeded, I immediately stared at the street lamp Paul was leaning against so I wouldn't get distracted and lose my mind again.

I opened my mouth. Thinking, this time let me act a _little_ more intellectual.

But all that came out of my mouth was "Paul Slater…"

"Yes?" he grinned, showing all of his neat white teeth.

UGHH what's wrong with me? Stare at the street lamp Susannah, stare at it!

"is you name modern?" Now I sound a little smarter. And maybe I can even get back at him for saying my name isn't _modern _enough!

"I… I." Paul stuttered. Hhaha gotcha there! He was finally losing his cool! But using one hand, he pushed his hair back and said.

"I'm not sure, but all the girls seem to like it…" he winked.

I felt like he just took my heart and stamped it into a million pieces…

And I don't even know why I feel that way. I mean, I should be singing and laughing my head off that I FINALLY have someone to talk to. And it's so great this someone happened to be so gorgeous.

UGH I should have known. Since Paul's looks would put a greek god to shame, it should have been obvious that all the girls would fall for him. He's probably only talking to me because I'm a ghost. Heck, I bet all the ghost girls falls for him too.

"Uh… Suze? You know I was joking right? Sorry for being impolite I guess, so let's start over. When did you die?" I looked at him, wow that's polite…

"Damnit! Sorry! That wasn't very polite also was it? You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. Um.. so.. well… judging by the dress you have on, you died around the 1850s? Oh did I mention I like your dress? You look hot in it."

I blushed and looked down at my dress. It was ice blue and tight at the top but flows down at the bottom. It was my favorite dress and I think I did turn heads whenever I wear it. Wait… DID HE SAY I LOOK HOT IN IT?

I don't think so exactly… I mean as a ghost I don't really feel temperature, but looking at the leaves swirling down around me. And piling up on the sidewalk, I'd say I should be feeling pretty chilly. SO why did he say I look HOT?

I hope im not sweating just because he's looking at me…

Even though technically ghosts don't sweat.

"um… I don't think I'm hot, thanks. In case you don't know already, ghosts don't feel temperature."

Paul looked at me then started laughing so hard his whole body shook. In between laughs he managed to squeeze out a couple of words. "I…hahaa. No…haahah I …. I..Meant… hahaaaa.. never mind!" I stood there, confused.. um… am I missing something here?

Ugh I guess this is what I get for hiding myself away from the so called modern world. All I have been doing for the past a hundred fifty years was absentmindedly drift around the allieways. Turning around and hiding whenever I see anyone coming my way…..

**PAUL POV**

I was laughing until I was bend over gasping for breath. The last time I laughed this hard was when I saw De Silva crying over that girl.

Ugh.. I felt a pang of anger as soon as I thought about De Silva. Ugh trust him to ruin my perfectly good mood.

Usually I enjoy being around with girls and playing up my cool. Being with Suze is just so different. I can feel little happy bolts of lightning hit me everytime she looks at me with her twinkling green eyes. And I have no idea what's wrong with me. Where did my "COOL" go? I actually stuttered on my words. Can you believe it? PAUL SLATER STUTTERED?

The whole school would freak if they knew about it.

Suddenly my cellphone rang. **(A/N haha my cellphone rang at the exact same time I wrote that sentence)**

I saw Suze jump and let out a little "EEK!" I almost forgot she was from a hundred fifty years. She have no idea about the modern gadgets. I would have to show her around about that.. haah that sounds like a good excuse.

I picked up my phone, ugh it was Kelly. I mean she's hot and all but she seems to think she is my girlfriend the day I agreed to be vice class president. She of course is the class president.

"Hey Kel.." I grumbled into the phone.

"PAULLLIEEEE!! OMGOOMGOMGOMGOMG guesss what? I like got this like totally hot outfit from like that store. It's like pink and very very great for like patying. SO OMG LIKE REMEMBER THERES PARTY AT JAKE and Brad'S TONIGHT? like when are you picking me up?"

"um… Kelly? I'm kind of busy right now."

"OMG you forgot about the party didn't you?! OMG OMG OMG how could you like just forget that PAULIE? Well you better be here in 5 mins or else I will like totally kick you out as student vice president you got that?"

I rolled my eyes? Like I care? She was the one that forced me to be vice president anyways…

"PAULIE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE?" wait is she crying?

"Chill kel. I will be there in 10, okay?" I tried to keep the annoyance out of my voice.

"OMGOMGOMGOMG YAY PAULIE ITS GONNA BE LIKE SUCH A BLAST! Muah I love you, bye!!"

I hung up and looked around for Suze. She was standing next to me looking at me sadly.

I have no doubt she heard every word Kelly said since Kelly screamed most of it in her high girly voice, even though it was kind of hard to make out what she was saying with all the OMGs and "like"s.

"Look, Suze, I can explain. That was JUST Kelly. We are not dating or any--" She disappeared before I could finish. "thing…" I finished, speaking to the air in front of me. Which to others, I probably was.

I HAVE TO FIND SUZE AND EXPLAIN!!

I don't know why I felt I had to explain to her. Maybe it was the hurt look in her dull eyes.Maybe it was seeing the sparkle in her eyes gone.

Or maybe.. could it be? That im falling for her?

A girl I just met 10 minutes ago?

A ghost?

A GHOST THAT HAS BEEN AROUND FOR 150 YEARS?

Surprisingly none of those things bothered me…

You know, that I'm falling for someone older than my grandparents! That I'm actually falling for a girl!

URG I KNOW that I HAVE to see her again!

**Whew that was a long chapter.. well for me anyways. I have a lot of good ideas for what would happen in the next chapter at the party. I swear Jesse is coming.. he's coming!!**

**Please take the time to review. I really really would appreciate each and every review. Thanks!! Hope you guys enjoyed the story!**


	4. Chapter 4 BIRTHDAY CHAPTER

I am so sorry I didn't post for SOOO LONGG!! I had a really busy week, planning for my bday party tomorrow, but my real birthday is on sep.27th. SOO SOORRY to say this is probably going to be a short chapter cause there are tests tomorrow and probably th

I am so sorry I didn't post for SOOO LONGG!! I had a really busy week, planning for my bday party tomorrow, but my real birthday is on sep.27th. SOO SOORRY to say this is probably going to be a short chapter cause there are tests tomorrow and probably the worst day for me to update as I have two projects due tomorrow.

But i just felt so guilty for not updating and i really wanted to write something before i turn 14.

Yes im TURING 14!!

To tell the truth, i dont know if im happy or sad about that. Blah

So this is going to be my birthday chapter:D

I just have to say one thing first, there were LOTS LOTS LOTS of drama this week filled with misunderstandings with my friend. I think we made up now, not sure though. Well the thing is, i think im going to do my part by advertising her fanfic here. But i just hope you guys will still read MY fanfic after you read hers, because she is SOOOOO GOOODD AT WRITING. LIKE UNBELIEVABLY GOOD...

But dont forget about me:( afterwards please!!

Well her screen name is oxcrushhed

ANYWAYS, i know you guys are waiting for me to shut up already, i just hope you guys enjoy my birthday chapter, and it wouldn't hurt to write me a review, no, it would make my bday 100 times better... Cuz im a dork like that.:D

--

**Suze POV**

Hmm? I opened my eyes.

FLASH

I stood up, suddenly alert, there were people moving rhythmetically to.. Er, they call this crash crash scream scream, music? Girls were dancing, well i think they are dancing. Of course, it surely wouldn't be called dancing when I was still alive, more like moving their bodies trying to get guys' attention.

UGHH and whats with the sudden flashes of lights, its blinding me! And it's so DARK everywhere! But i do think that big silver ball hanging from the ceiling is very pretty, a diamond this big must cost a fortune!

AHHH i flinched back, suddenly alert. WHERE AM I? HOW DID I GET HERE? I started jumping up and down as I took big breaths. Susannah, breathe in, breathe out! Think, what happened before you got here!

**Flash back**

_**I sat on the windowsill, hugging me knees as I stared out the window. Trying to think about anything, anything, except for Paul. But my mind kept drifting back to him. **_

_**I sighed "Susannah, you are 150 years old! It's SICK to like some 17 year old guy! It's just not done!" I willed myself to look at everything that reminded me how OLD I am. And fortunately, everything here, in this house, reminds me of it. Because this is the house where I died.**_

_**NO, I WAS KILLED, MURDERED!**_

_**Just because I didnt't want to be married to that sick bastard! And what, he thinks rejection is too big of a shame to ever live down!! UGH, DOES he not understand LOVE? I LOVE Stephen!! I thought I would love him FOREVER... SO how could I even be thinking of Paul right now?**_

_**Because he's the first guy who could SEE me? What kind of reason is that?**_

_**I looked down, my whole body was shaking with anger, I lossened my grip on the newly furnished bed-post, yes, NEWLY. Guess someones finally moving here...**_

_**But I'm still stuck here.**_

_**Suddenly, something washed over me, an emotion I can put no name too. It rushed over me like an unstoppable flowing river, crashing and drowning over all of my common sense. I just want to be with Paul RIGHT NOW... PAUL..**_

**End Flash back**

I put my hand to my mouth in shock, I just _thought_ about Paul and I CAME HERE? What kind of place IS THIS? Wait... Is Paul here?

I stood on my tiptoes, which was kind of a kind thing to do considering I was wearing a dress. I looked over the heads of the crowd of dancing, sweating bodies, and try to spot him. But it was just so DARK. But suddenly the flashing light hanging from the ceiling shined upon a familar dark haired person. He suddenly turned and looked at my direction for a second, and his gaze landed on me. But a girl came and pulled him away. I fell to the ground in shock.

All I could think of was his dark eyes, and the white scar over his left eye...

"YO!"

I continued sitting on the ground in shock, since no body could see me anyways, everyone had just been walking right through me.

"Yo, Suze!" and I felt large hands life me up.

"WHAaAA--" I spun around and found piercing blue eyes staring right back at me.

"Remember me?" Paul said with a smirk.

"I--I--" I forgot what I was gonna say when out of the corner of my eyes, I saw- Stefen, COULD IT REALLY BE STEFEN?! - walk past, a girl wearing a tight pink dress clinging onto his arm, he turned around, said something to her and walked away. Leaving the girl standing there alone looking a bit disappointed. "Suze? SUZEEE?"

I saw Paul waving his hand in front of my face as I continued staring at Stefen as he walked and exited through some door.

Paul stopped trying to get my attention and followed my gaze.

"uhhh... Suze? Do you know him?"

"Who? Stephen?" I said distractedly, still staring at the door where Stephen left to.

"NOOO... Suze, that's Jesse De Stupid, HE IS THE BIGGEST LOSER EVER... Dont know why girls would still like him when they've got me..."

"NO... THAT'S STEPHEN!! IT"S STEPHEN!!"

"Um.. Sorry Suze, that's Jesse.. he's new in town. He's still living with his cousins until his family's house is done furnishing... Heard they are moving into some stinky old haunted house... Pshh..haunted..."

... I didnt even know I was crying until I felt warm all over. I opened up my eyes and realized I was in Paul's arms, he was hugging me and kind of swaying me to the music (finally a slow song!) and patting me on the back saying.."Suze, it's ok, Suze.."

I opened my eyes and looked up from where I was leaning on Paul's shoulder. I saw a lot of people sniggering and pointing at Paul.. Oh ya, he's dancing to "air"..

I blinked... Stephen... NO JESSE.. Was dancing beside me with some girl, I blinked back another wave of tears as I watched Ste--Jesse, then I closed my eyse and started swaying to the music with Paul... All the while pretending I was dancing with Stephen...

And tears trickling none stop down one after one down my cheek...

--

PLEASE REVIEW!! EEKKK ALMOST FOURTEEN!!

I'm not pro jesse or pro paul... Just gonna see how i feel later afterwards.. And please post your opinion how you think this story should turn out!

Thankyou!

13 GOOOINGGG ON 14!! :D


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